To give hope...

To give hope…

The one title I never shy from carrying is that of dreamer. I’ve always been a big dreamer. I’ve created, like many kids, some amazing adventures that I have encountered and lived through, but above that even as I approach adulthood, I find myself still dreaming.

Instead of pirates, knights, gladiators, power rangers, astronaut and aliens, my dreams have come back into this universe, day and age, and focus more closely to my future. I dream, a lot about my future. I dream about what it look will like, who will be a part of it, and more often what it is I’ll be doing. One of my most recent dreams was answered when I was able to teach at the youth group that I help out with last summer. I was able to get up on stage and share a message that God had placed on my heart, to several students whose lives I have come to observe and at times participate in.

The Bible verse the message was focused around was Psalm 37:4 “Delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Using a baby toy and an illustration from my own life, I wanted the students to see that each of us has one primary desire, one piece of the puzzle that is missing and we are always trying finding the piece that fits. More than we would like, we chase the things of this world in the hope that (drugs, alcohol, sex, video games, luxuries, money, food) they will fill that empty space and make us whole. The issue we face is that we try to put a piece a shape into a hole that was never made for those things. No matter how hard we try, to force the piece in or, try and make it fit, it won’t. The only thing that truly fits, that truly satisfies is God, and a relationship with Him.

When we delight in God, spend time enjoying His presence, reflecting on His power, grace and mercy, something inside of us changes. When we truly enjoy the moments we spend with God, there is nothing more satisfying on earth and we find a greater fulfillment than anything the world has to offer; a lasting satisfaction, a lasting peace, an everlasting love. God knows every desire in our heart, He placed them there, and He knows exactly what we need in order to meet each one of them, but only God can truly satisfy what the human heart desperately longs for.

My heart breaks for the students of this day and age. Not because they don’t know God, but often they search the world for the answers. They look to friends, and family, girlfriends, and boyfriends, for fulfillment. They look to drugs and alcohol for cures to their problems. When those things either leave them, or no longer fulfill their desires, the search becomes frantic, destructive, and can be very devastating.

Sometimes those things that we try to fit in that space, especially people, they become everything to us. We treat them as our “god”. We worship them, we try to please them, we search for their approval, we seek our significance in them, and we base our hope and life in them. “If I have that one thing, that one person in my life, everything will be perfect; my life will be what I want it to be.”

We dream of how our lives will be and we place our hope in that. We place our hope in the things that are broken, temporary, material, and flawed. Not always, but when those things leave, when we can no longer retain those things, when we see our dreams crushed, That hope we had leaves or is crushed in the process. Without that hope, we lose that purpose that kept us moving, that got us up in the morning and made us work. We lose our drive, our significance, our purpose. We lose ourselves.

In my English class my freshman year we went over Greek mythology, and one of the myths we studied was Pandora and Pandora’s Box. Pandora opens a box, a jar in the legend, which released all the evils of mankind. There was but one thing left in the jar, at the bottom, Hope. We discussed in our class that without hope, the world would turn to chaos. It is hope that allows people to keep moving, fighting. We all understand this concept, if our desired outcome will no longer happen we say there is no hope, and we give up. We all have experienced those moments of no hope; in sports, in lack of promotion, in the inability to achieve good grades. We have all faced moments of defeat.

I believe that when we lose hope for ourselves, for our lives, we fall into darkness. I know that for me, I’ve felt like I’ve been here, at least 3 times in my life. I had no hope for my life, I couldn’t see beyond my failures, my loneliness, my emptiness, my fear, my losses. I had no hope in a future because to me I had lost the only future I had imagined. I had lost my “god” and to me, and like several others out there, I lost the will to live. When we fall so deeply into darkness, where there is no longer love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, we become captive to the darkness. We become chained to our misery and without hope; it feels as though there is no reason to escape the darkness.  You feel like the world is cold, and gone, and there is no place for you there. So, you make a decision, and for many the decision is fatal.

In my life, there is nothing that is more tragic, that is more sorrowful, and that gets me as fired up as teen suicide. Over the fall two teens from Stillwater, OK committed suicide. One of which did so publicly. When I heard the news, I was sitting at my desk, and my gut reaction was to find the story. As I read the news story and watched subsequent news coverage, I was heartbroken and began to weep.  I couldn’t find any words to speak, but my heart found tears.

I won’t pretend to know why the student did it, but I would have to believe that they didn’t have any hope. As stated earlier, I’ve been to that dark place and have felt the unending torment of not knowing if there was a way out. I believe that I have felt the pain that perhaps this student had felt, and I know there is an escape.

I don’t ever wish anyone to feel that unyielding darkness, emptiness or pain. I have been to the state of no hope, and through my return, I wish for no one to travel into that landscape. I know I can’t spread hope, I know I can’t give people hope, but I know my God can, and He does.

When I was in my darkest I put my last bit of energy and hope in God, and my life changed. As I have walked, He has walked alongside me, teaching me, comforting me, and strengthening me. I learned that my desires are fulfilled only through a relationship with Him because He provides all I need. In the storms He is an umbrella, a parka, a shelter. In times of joy, He is a companion in whom I share laughter with. As I face the darkness, He is my light. As I face pain He is my physician.

God gave me Hope. When I let Him into my life, when I spoke His name, when I said what I thought would be my last prayer, He gave me hope. Hope for a better way of living, hope in the form of light that penetrated the darkness. God gave me hope, and then He woke me up.

He is the missing piece that is no longer lost. God saved me and He can save others.

As the light grew brighter, the days grew longer. My stride changed, my words changed, my heart changed my life changed. The hope I had been given drove me into my Father’s arms. It drove me to seek out a loving God. God gave me a hope, and then He gave me a dream. I dream of sharing His message, of speaking of His love, of letting Him change the lives of others using me as a conduit. I dream of standing on stages, and writing books, and meeting with kids to discuss and share the Gospel. I dream of being a teaching pastor.

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity” (Jeremiah 29:11-14a NKJV)

 Just as God speaks here to Israel, He speaks to us today. The love He has for us, the plans He has for us, the hope He wishes to give are readily available to us, through Him. Through a loving relationship with God, we discover purpose (Eph 1:11-12), we find peace (Phi 4:6-7), we see His love (John 3:16) and we find hope.

“Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have[a] peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.” (Romans 5:1-5 NKJV)

God gives, through the Holy Spirit, Hope to each of us who call him Lord. It is this hope with which we need to live, to endure; something to fight for, something to live for, a way out of the darkness, a way into eternal life; Jesus Christ as Lord.

Maybe my dream is too big for me right now, to be a pastor, but I know it’s not too big for God. It is because of this Hope that once again I receive the title of dreamer. It is because of knowing this hope, that I learn more and more of His love. It is because of how much He loves me that I have learned to love myself, and others. It is because he has taught me that I hope through me He will teach others. So that they too, may find the light in the darkness, to hope where it seems none can be found, and to live when it feels as though there is no point.

We have this one life to make a difference, here on this earth. I choose to love, I choose to hope, and I know one day because of my obedience and faith, God will use me, perhaps my life, to introduce Him to a lost soul, and give them the hope that He has given me.